Whats the point of living when all there is is suffering?
I feel paralyzed by anxiety and depression. I have both generalized and social anxiety. Most of my stress comes from my job. I hate it so much that I don’t remember a time when I was happy or relaxed. I just feel angry, frustrated, but most of the time, I feel nothing. I don’t recall the last time I cried. I lost touch of myself a long time ago, like I died and that now im a zombie.
I just feel lost. What do I want with life? I honestly don’t know. I tried to help myself escape this misery. Ive read countless self help books. Ive taken a lot of medication. I went to therapy, tried CBT. Belive me. I did everything but nothing worked. I just don’t think that im cut out for this world we’re living in. its just mean and unfair. The government is corrupt, the animals are abused, there’s too many problems and I cant do anythign to make this a better place.
I am working for an insurance company. I hit burnout a long time ago. I never wanted to work in this field because im a very sensitive person who is more of an introvert than an extrovert. Working in insurance goes against my personality for to be in the field, I had to be tough and I had to meet with a lot of people. The stress of everyday commute is not helping. Each morning I have to squeeze myself in a bus full of loud and unruly students. My day at work hasn’t even started and yet im already tired.
I feel lethargic all the time. I think my health has really taken a toll. I tell myself im worthy of love but I don’t know how to truly believe it. My self esteem is at an all time low. Everything in this world is breaking my heart and I don’t know how to fix it.
So tell me why I shouldn’t just end everything. What I planning to do will break my mother’s heart but she’ll be able to move on so please give me a reason other than this. Besides her, I don’t know anybody who cares about me. Even I think im ugly and worthless. I am a failure at life. I cant fake another smile. Im gonna go crazy. Im tired of crying for help and having nobody to come and save me.
I just hate this world we live in.