I have a new gf but i miss my ex

I was in an on off relationship for 2 years with this girl (Let's call her Steph). Steph would often break up with me for another guy. Sometimes she'd do it just because she wants to like when she wants to be alone or when she's bored idk. This happened six or seven times, honestly I've lost count. But I've had enough of it and so when she told me she wanted to break up with me last December, I said if you really want to and you're sure about that, this is gonna be the last time your doing this to me. I don't ever wanna be in this miserable relationship any longer.

I gave myself a month to slowly detach myself from her. I wasn't calling her as much even though I really wanted to. i couldnt possibly stop all communication. This was a more doable plan and it kinda worked. February came and I already met this amazing girl (Cassie). We found each other online, dated for three weeks and officially became a couple. I have never felt so happy in a relationship.

But i was still following Steph on instagram at the time and one day i found out that she's now dating her old "friend" back in college. I don't know why but i died a little when a saw a picture of them snuggled up together. I feel weird because i like Cassie so much and I haven't thought about Steph for a while now. Also, Cassie is WAAAAY more beautiful than Steph. My friends always talk about Steph and how she does not evenlook that pretty. She's just an average girl, they say. But there's something about her that pulls me.

Cassie is a very good person who loves me and takes good care of me and i appreciate her so much. My girlfriend is also very proud to introduce me as her boyfriend ALWAYS! My life is so much better with Cassie, even the sex is 🔥 no doubt about that.

So i feel terrible and a little bit confused. Why am i still affected by whatever Steph is doing or whoever she's dating? I shouldn't care about that anymore right? But i found myself missing her and craving for her. I couldn't stop thinking about her and that new guy all up on each other. Everytime i close my eyes i see an image of them kissing and its making me crazy. I don't want to think about it anymore. I'm, scared that if i keep on thinking about her, I might start acting suspicious and distant and Cassie might notice and leave me for that. I don't want to lose her. I feel guilty, so guilty because it feels like i'm cheating on her. I have not been in touch with my ex since Cassie and I became a couple take note. I thought about telling Cassie about this problem but im afraid this will just make her feel insecure. Also, i really dont want to start a fight.

My ex is not a relationship type of person. Her past relationships didn't last that long and as i have experienced first hand, she is always emotionally unavailable. my relationship with her is pretty intense but its also pretty unstable. Right now she's so in love with this guy but trust me, once he starts getting serious, she will bail on him. When i was with her, i really though i would be the one to change her and make her commit. i thought i could steal her heart, be the person she could trust. What i really need help with is how to let go of my past relationship. I don't want to lose what I have with my current relationship.

Comments

  • Hey dude, believe you're gonna get over this. You just got out of a crazy, intense relationship with this girl so of course it's going to take you a while to move on from her. I can tell she caused you a lot of pain and all those times she broke up with you to be with another man must have hurt your self-esteem too. Believe me because i've been there too. If i were you, i wouldn't tell Cassie about it because wHy wOuLd yOu dO tHaT?! She doesn't need to know dude. Don't risk it all for this ex of yours. Don't let her control your life because she's not in it anymore.

    Do you know what the real issue here is? I think you, my friend, never got the closure you wanted. But maybe it's for the best. You'll get over her, just give it a little more time because you know what they say, "time heals all wounds". Just don't panic. You are missing her not because you still love her but because you're still in that weird place where you're not used to having her around. Totally understandable because you've been together for almost 2 years. And you say she's probably gonna break up with this new guy so why even bother lol

  • Dear Jeff, When you say there's something about Steph that pulls you, it's probably that intensity she brings into the relationship that keeps things unpredictable and exciting. Maybe that's just it. People tend to romanticize this "something" when in fact, it's really nothing special.

    How is your relationship with your parents? Were they there for you all throughout your childhood? Were you close with each other or distant? I'm asking you this because family relationships do affect romantic relationships as an adult. Maybe you were craving for your parents' affection when you were young and you're channeling this yearning into your relationship with Steph even when it has already ended? What do you think?

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