~moving on after a breakup~

Hi. I talked about this on another thread but i just want to get y'alls opinion about my situation so imma start a new one.

So my man who i been with for 4 years broke up with me over two months ago. we did break up halfway through our relationship but got back together not long after. I love him, he love me, but i was ready to move to the next level and he wasn't. Now i'm starting to think he will never be ready. We stopped talking for few weeks after that discussion and now weve lost all communication.

When we broke up, i became a ball of anxiety. I had to up my ssri anxiolytic meds and that helped with my anxiety. I also have a therapist and friends who help me through this difficult time. As you an see, i'm really trying here. There have been some improvements but my mind is still on th same place. I still miss him. I still want to get back together with him. I really feel like we can work through our differences, maybe reach a compromise. My friends say im still on denial stage where i dont want to belive that we broke up. but i dont think so. i think there's really a chance here and they dont see it. I just feel like i'll never find some1 like him. He's an amazing person. I don't know what im gonna do if we dont get back toegther.

Everyone tells me i just have to see my worth, build myself up. Even my doctor tells me im better off without him and that im out of his league. They say the problem isnt with me and that he might be facing some issues with himself, the reason why he cant move forward with me.

All these advice are important to me and i try - BELIVE ME - i try to follow them. But i still think the same way as the day we broke up. I want him back. I wanna call him, i wanna visit him on his apartment, i wanna be with him again.

Of course i want to be happy. I mean, who doesn't? I also don't want to be forever dependent on someone. I don't want my happiness to rely on a person other than myself but it looks like this is exactly whats happening right now. I just hate the idea of not being with him. It's just that we've planned our lives together. We we're gonna go backpacking through Europe. We were gonna buy a house and we were gonna have a family. But plans changed, obviously and thats just sad for me because im still holding on to it.

ive read a lot of helpful advice on this forum. you guys help a lot of people. y'all are awesome. i hope you can help me as well. I just feel so down right now. They say time heals all wounds but its been a while and i still feel terrible.

Comments

  • Hi Tina,

    My advice for you is to just get out there and live your life. Travel ALONE. Buy a house ALONE. Alone doesn't always mean lonely, you know? When you're ready, put yourself out there again. Find a guy who is in it for the long run. You will always have your ex in your heart but he doesnt have to control it anymore. Dont let someone from the past take a hold of your plans in life. You will still meet a lot of people in the future. YOne of them will be the person you spend the rest of your life with. For now, spend time with your family and friends. From your post, it sounded like you have an awesome support so you're very lucky.

  • I know what that feels girl, an totally relate. although i believe all people will experience this type of hurt at some point in their lives. I get it, i get it. You think this guy was the perfect man for you. You were so sure of it. That's why when things didn't go the way you wanted it too, you lost all hope that you'll ever find anything as good as what you two had together. Girl i wanna help you and according to me you have 2 options. A: You may continue torturing yourself by ruminating about what went down on the day you broke up. You can waste your time thinking about whether you should get back together him or not and miss out on all the fun things youre supposed to be enjoying. It's your choice to remain sad for the rest of your life. (I apologize if that sounded harsh but sugarcoated bs will not help you right now.) OR B: Just give up and accept the fact that your fairytale relationship has come to an end and not with a happily ever after. This is real life and it happens. You can open yourself to meeting other people and other experiences. You seem like someone who's full of dreams and passion. It makes me sad that you're not doing wonderful things because your heart is broken. As i've said before, i could totally relate with you on this post because ive been through breakups before, ive been through so much more than that. But that's life. Right now im in a good place and you will be to someday. So dont let this stop you from being happy. Im rooting for you girl!

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